"Eye on the Sparrow"

9-29-09

Dear Father,

I truly didn't know how we as a family were going to make it today. We try so hard to do it ourselves before we just let it go and let God. There was no need to get upset with my husband because he'd done all that he could do. When you've done all that you can do, we must stand. Stand on your word Lord. I couldn't even get all worked-up because sometimes there's no one or anything to get upset at or with. That's when you show up Lord. It's not always a show out. Sometimes, just showing up is all that's needed. We can't take you blowing our mind constantly...

This morning I could only let go and let you have your way Father. To do your will and not my own. What I just realized was that I must be growing spiritually because none of my usually thoughts came to mind. Resorting to some of my old ways that have brought me nothing but hurt rather than help. The writing of a bad check and having to pay double to clear or something along those lines. If we only let go when were suppose too, a lot of the stress, heartache, and headache wouldn't occur.

When do we know to do all you can and then give it to you or should we give it to you right off the top, right away? Doing the latter doesn't build character, strength, nor faith. We've got to try and sometimes fail. That's how we learn that we can't do it all, nothing; without you Lord.

Thank you for every bump and hiccup that causes me to have nowhere else to turn but to YOU; that's the safest place to be. We experience the most profound sense of peace when we get broke down and have to fall on our knees, snotty-nosed and weeping until we no longer have a voice or a tear left to cry. Some enter a quiet place or a closet. When there is no one there and nothing but silence, we can hear your voice and it's clear. It may not always give the answer immediately but you experience peace until your answer comes.

For instance this morning, we borrowed from everyone who we could and stretched and saved until the last time depleted to pennies. You knew what we stood in need of and if you were the God who I, We, thought you were; then you would show up. You did! You made someone out of the clear blue remember a long lost promise and they came and placed money right into the palm of my hand. I let go and I received! You will cause people to give until our bosom. The wealth of the wicked is stored up for the righteous. Not to say that the giver wasn't righteous. I pray that the giver is a child of God who realized that he'd been blessed and was sowing a seed. Bless this small seed and act of kindness and grow it Lord that I'm able to do the same when I'm called upon.

I ask and Thank You Lord for all of these things in Jesus name. I Love You Lord. Amen-


Yolanda Smothers-

"PMS'ing"

9-28-09

Dear Father,

I don't know if I'm feeling in a fowl mood because of my spirit being in turmoil or just is disarray because I'm simply PMS'ing. I'm not sure. I just pray to you to right my spirit. I don't like the nonchalant feeling and just a spirit of depression that has overcome me. I'm not sure if it's the non-related medication, one or a combination of all the above. I know the stress at work also tends to take it's toll eventually but I pray to you for freedom from them all.

My Life can be better and will get better no "but" about it. I must remain focused on you and all of the good things will soon be added unto me. At times, it just feels like I've been praying for a better life, all my life. I know that my life has become better but I'm still not where I'm satisfied and I'm not sure I'll ever be nor should I ever want to feel satisfied or content. Once we're content we stop wanting to progress and sometimes regress because we have nothing to strive towards. Sometimes I wonder are my expectations too great or outside the boundaries of what you have in store for me Father. The things I want don't seem too far fetched or beyond my reach. I may already have them and may not recognize that my glass is half full rather than half empty. If this is the case Father, help me to removed the blinders and let the scales fall from my eyes and reveal to me what I've been failing to see.

I'm not complaining for surely I've come a mighty long way from where I once was, I just know there's something out there even more better just outside my grasp. It's that feeling that just keeps gnawing at my psyche and I won't let me go until my goal has been reached. I don't think that I should ever want to feel that I've done all that I can do. Our work here is never done. Help me Father to take hold of my future and whatever that entails, possess it and not let go of it. You said that it's not your will Father to keep any good thing from me. My spirit is telling me that where I am currently isn't my final destination. Just a bridge I'm to cross to get to where you would have me to be.

Thank you Father once again for giving me a spirit of optimism instead of doubt. At times or when certain situations arise the inability to see my way clear through becomes cumbersome. It can become depressing and overwhelm us, me; into thinking that the Lord, you; have forgotten about us. You keep your eyes on the sparrow, sit high and look low, and have taken the time to number each and every star in the galaxy. The greatest act of mercy and kindness you've showed us is you gave your only begotten Son Jesus to die for all of our sins. Therefore, you being the most high God couldn't nor wouldn't waste such a sacrifice for not. You are a God of deliberateness. You don't do anything without cause and whatever you command be done doesn't come back void.

I pray that you command that I be Blessed abundantly. Release a Blessing Father that will overcome and consume me. I ask and Thank you Father for all of these things in Jesus name, thy Son of David. I Love you Lord. Amen-

Yolanda Smothers-

NOT AS STRONG

9/24/09

"Not as Strong"

Dear Father,

I'm still faltered by the same temptations. I'm not as strong as I thought or would have liked to have been. It also goes to show me that I have a long ways to go, even still... I don't know what got into me or what came over me but I know that I didn't like that I received a warning, clearly and understandable and yet still chose to ignore them; as well as several others. That's scary! Why? Lord, is the flesh that overpowering or is it self imposed? Self willing to do what it wants no matter? Knowing good and well that I don't want any of the trouble that I was surely asking for. I went looking for it sure enough. Lord, I pray that you continue to warn and detour me from those things that are self destructing and also from those things that I have no control over but yet still come against me.

Yes, it may seem like an ongoing and daunting task but I did stop myself before I went too far. After several failed unsuccessful attempts, it finally dawned on me that it wasn't worth it. Why did it take me so long to accept those things that I can't change? It isn't time for me to have the abundance of things that I keep praying for. They would surely over take me and I'd be worse off rather than better should you allow those things to come to me as I've asked. You showed me that I'm still not ready. Help me Lord to receive those things that I keep blocking myself from by destructive acts. I want to move further than where I am and from where I've already been. Everyone one gets tire of the same thing and I'm tired of being tired, being set-back by my on doing, being my own stumbling block. That gets old really quick! I realize that things about me must change in order for those things to happen and it has to be self-imposed. I just can't pray for you to change it, I must commit myself and my ways to go about changing.

Those things will begin to line up and be released one after another when the things that I ask for are of you and the things that you have for me; they will come with ease. That's one thing that I've learned from our relationship Lord that even though things may take some effort, some work it's always with ease. Everything that I've attempted to do in the past was difficult, cumbersome. I will know what I'm to do when it's something I want to do and enjoy doing and it comes without having to go against your standards and principals. Those things that you have set up in order for me to not cross the boundaries.

Boundaries are good things and they also serve an important purpose. They keep those things out or at bay that shouldn't be let in or go near. They keep you from harm or warn of dangers that may lie ahead should you ignore those set-forth boundaries.

I'm asking you Father to help me to learn, heed, and adhere to those boundaries that you've established for me; to know what my boundaries and limitations are because me using my own standard of judgement hasn't gotten me to where I want to be. It's lead me too many times to places that have been more harmful than good.

Once again I come to the thrown, your one and only thrown of grace and everlasting mercies to ask for forgiveness and a new cleaner heart after the things that please you Lord and not disappoint and separate me from you.

I ask and Thank You for all of these things in your name Jesus. I love you. Amen!