Wait on a hand out – (Not an option, the hands will soon run
out). Commit Suicide – (Puh-leez!). Sit around and wait for a so-called loved-one
to become deceased and reap some life insurance benefit - (I’d rather have the
person here). Exist in some sad state of
uselessness (Nawww… I have to do something).
Bank Robbery or the like - (Jail has never nor will be a comfortable way
of spending down time). Drop out from life and just bum around – (I've tried
that and it just doesn't suit me). Try to live my own way – (And I have tried
that already and got exactly what I was looking for in the process).
The absolute and only surety in my life is the trust that I
have in God. There is only so much of
sweeping life up under the rug.
Eventually, it is going to create a hump or impediment and it is going
to trip you up. Each and every time that
I get to tripping and thinking of taking life into my own incapable hands, I am reminded by God, that not me – but ONLY he,
has been consistently faithful. Much of
the time I didn't recognize his faithfulness until after the fact, and then all
I could do is either cry from being humbled by looking back and seeing that it
was nothing but God; or I am left speechless and staring into the nebulous annals
of my mind and seeing the vestiges of just how far God has brought me and how
hard I had tried to sabotage my own life, let alone the purpose he has for my
life.
If not for God…
So… When it comes to my today, to my future – I can only
trust that God will do what he said. All
the other options are off the table; and they were never any good to begin with
in the first place. Either I am going to
trust him or I might as well make a blindfolded choice from the aforementioned list
– And once again – neither of them are an option. God is the only option and I am so glad that
I finally figured this out in enough time to see his word and promise come true
in my life. My latter days shall be
greater than my former days.
His name was Joe but that’s all that I really knew about
him; sad to say that I didn't know nor inquired to know what his last name was.
He worked outside as a car detailer at my job and his age range was between 50 –
60 years old, a white-haired, lanky and very respectful Caucasian gentleman. He was always smiling and although I do
believe that the smile was genuine, I could tell that he was masking something
else. In fact I was just thinking the
other day about how I needed to have my car detailed and that I would throw him
a few bones – that is how he made his some side money.
Here at the job we knew that he would sometimes binge on whatever but he was one of the hardest
workers at his age and frailty. Up act
the crack of light in the heat of the sun or the blistering cold or the pouring
rain – all climates, no matter the thermometer going up or below – he was here
working. I felt for him because no one
should have to work that hard to live so meagerly – life itself is hard but to live hard is another thing. Although
I thought it was a blessing that when his roommate had died and he was in need
of a place to stay, the company offered him a small apartment on the property
that was atop an old office building.
All Joe had to do was walk out of his back door, down the steps, walk a
few short paces and he was at his job.
No commuting; which was good because he didn't have a vehicle. The coffee was ready for him in the mornings
and he worked at his own pace. To some
they would see it as a stress less life – To him he saw what was the point of
going on in this life and this past Sunday, Joe committed suicide by hanging
himself from the banister of the very steps he trotted down each morning to
come to work. He just made up his mind
that he was going to do it, called our General Manager and told him that he had
made the noose and that it was in his hands and proceeded to do it while the
General Manager was still on the line pleading for him not to do it.
Why is it that some see blessings in this life – while others
see a reason to call it quits?
What bothers me most about this tragedy and disturbs my
spirit is a question that just keeps repeating in my mind, “Why couldn't he
find the one who can always be found?”
God is omnipresent and omnipotent – But we have the choice of “will we
trust him or won’t we.” I will never
doubt the fact that God had revealed himself as God to Joe, as he has to each
of us. The choice was up to Joe.
Suicide – We have all thought about it; visited the idea, if
only but for a brief moment of time, and perhaps vowed to never revisit or
entertain the thought or notion ever again – We have allowed life all by itself
to make us consider and contemplate ending life itself; to take your own life,
into your own hands. Sort of like a life
devoid of a relationship with Christ – It’s totally suicidal.
I had a brief stint at working for Vital Statics and most
would be alarmed and disturbed at the amount of suicides that take place. I had the disappointment of entering death
records. Many of the death certificates
were of people committing suicide and until then, I had no idea the rate it was
happening. Suicide is real. Depression
is real. Mental illness is real. Heartbreak is real. Life is real.
Life without trusting God to bring you through is as real as you can
get!
A part of me totally understands Joe because I heard about
his passing in passing conversation. No one even mentioned his death as a loss
– a loss to the company or the loss of another person because life had become
too much for them, but it could
easily be any of us but for God’s Grace.
No one really cared and he felt it and he knew it. They key to this life is not fretting over
whether someone cares about you but rather to KNOW that God cares about
you. The company we work for didn't miss
one beat and stayed right on schedule, we didn't shut down for the day or for
an hour; or even a moment of silence for the deceased that had died just a few
feet away. We pause and pray for
Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings but not for a lost soul. So what are we truly thankful for, if we are
not caring about another one of God’s children?
The choices that I have made has increased my life’s load and
burdens, but no matter how far I have fallen – Christ was there for me to hold
onto, and he has always restored me to glory; that is where I find my trust… In
his faithfulness. Not taking grace in
vain but recognizing and worshiping and honoring the fact that he does Love
Me! In spite of me! He just loves me and
when you think about that kind of love – who wouldn't want to worship that God?
The Show of Life goes on be it, in this life or the next –
it continues on. And that is the beauty
of life; once God gives you the gift of it – it keeps on going.
It's called SELF-ESTEEM! How is it body shaming, if you are OK with it? You are shame perhaps because you should be? Merriam-Webster Definition of Shame: A feeling of guilt, regret, or sadness that YOU have because YOU know YOU have done something wrong.
What you really want is for people to accept your behavior when in all honesty - WE don t have too! Everyone has a right to their own opinion and you have the right to yours. What any of us don't have is the right to try and shame someone about NOT shaming you. Now that is bullying at it s best and worst at the same time.
By all means do you boo-boo but don t be mad at me, or anyone else for that matter, if you don't garner the attention that you think you deserve or you receive some unwanted comments. Be proud of doing YOU.
I’m on my soapbox and I won’t climb down until I have gotten what is on my chest OFF! Psssst… Nigga’s, Nigger’s, Negroes, Black folk, African American and Brown folk… You can take offense but you are what you are, because we have never corrected the behavior and pathology that will forever eradicate the stigma. They say, “one drop makes you one of us”, so if you are any ways relatable to our plight as a people – please hear me! We have not yet overcome and neither have we accomplished all that our forefather’s originally set out to do. So why is that we have settled or taken a false sense of comfort ability; and a back-seat to our own growth as a people? Better yet – why have we allowed the gay movements hitch itself to our Civil Rights? Have you ever wondered why they chose us to be associated with? And they are surely not of the same vein. Because we have a power source that we have not yet tapped fully, but is recognizable to others who want to get things DONE! I haven’t seen one gay 12 year old boy holding a gun and police shoot them, a couple driving away from the cops and having their vehicle riddled with bullets and when they finally do come to a stop – an officer jump on the hood and empties another several rounds into them. Neither have I seen a gay teenager stalked for walking in his Father’s neighborhood by some rouge vigilante and gunned down, nor have seen a car full of gay teenager’s be accosted and one of them shot for having their music turned up too loud. The list goes on and on and here we are taking up the fight for other’s when we have yet made progress in our own injustices. We as a people always take the backseat – literally! Am I saying that gay’s don’t have rights? Of course I am not saying that. God gives each of us a choice and a will that we can either submit to him or not. Why is it that we cannot recognize that we are a chosen people? We and the Jew’s are the only people who were oppressed and not brought out by an Army because we didn't have one nor any real chance to be emancipated and freed, except that our God did it! God allowed our enemies to fight against each other (on our behalf without understand why they were really doing it), and we walked away free, though not free of casualties, but significantly less than either side (for or against us). God did it several times for the Jews; and I will site a scripture for reference: 2 Chronicles 20:17-25. God will confuse the enemy but now it appears that we are the ones confused. We have forgotten God – believing that we delivered ourselves. Not! And now we are going to allow our triumph through God be reduced to a movement that God is not even for. There was a price to be paid for freedom and those that came before us sought God and he delivered on that covenant. Our children are being lost at an alarming rate and our people being persecuted in the penile system and such, racially profiled and still in need of Affirmative Action programs because we have reneged on our part to keep God first. We have sold out and we didn't even get to the Land of Promise. There was and hopefully still is so much more that God has for us but we have got to be self-interest – not selfish – and be concerned with our Father’s business once again, if we want to see it. We have stopped short of success because we have been infiltrated from the outside in- we befriend any and every one (at our expense). This attack is meant to divide and conquer and it is working. Perhaps the reason being is because we think that we know better than God but our status in society reflects that we know nothing at all – apart from him. My words aren't a rant but rather a call to arms to get our people back on track to where God was intending to take us, and we cannot get there without him. If your feathers are ruffled – Good! If you are offended – I can understand but I must speak what God has put in my heart regardless of how YOU feel about it! Time upon this earth is growing shorter by the day and the days of my life grow even shorter and I must be about my Father’s business while there is still time and the light of day because there is a time coming when it grows dark out and no man can work. God Bless!
Be real careful of your speech. It may be in jest to you but life and death are truly in the power of the tongue. "I m dead", "I can't", "Luckily" and the like thereof... Try to stop being so careless about things that really aren't important at all! Over a post? Really? We speak so frivolously against our own lives. We do have a choice - "Speak life" and other words of blessing, prosperity, healing and so on. "Many want to go to Heaven, but nobody want to die" - to themselves. We have to be an active participant in the life that we seek God to bless us with.
Without the Bible where would we
be? My guess is - clueless as to how to walk in the Lord. Nevertheless, it is a model for us to live
out the pages for ourselves and not simply quote what others have done; and we not have a personal testimony of our
own. We quote Psalm 23 as if it were we
ourselves that walked in “green pastures” and I have never once saw a shepherd –
although we interpret it metaphorically; I want my own Psalm to tell how good
the Lord is to me. We must make our walk
with God personal and not live vicariously through others’ lives. If you have never seen a rod and staff, then
how can it comfort you – personally? We
say that the Lord’s Prayer is simply a model for how we ought to approach prayer. OK then, if so, the Bible itself is a model
for how we ought to approach life itself – right? This isn't an attempt to blaspheme or
discount one jot or tittle of the Bible; however, I want to take the Lord’s
word and apply it directly to MY life. I don’t want my life to be figuratively
spoken but literal in every sense of the word!
(A Psalm of Yolanda)
God is my Father, I lack in no
area of my life. He guides me through
the pages of my life in order that I may know that he is the author and
finisher of my faith.
My soul at times faint but because
of the God that I serve, when I praise him, I regain my strength. And because he is faithful to his Word, I can
trust where he leads me – he is faithful.
There have been times throughout
my life when death seemingly was eminent; either by another’s hand or my own.
I almost buckled up underneath so much pressure but your word
replenished my spirit; you never left my side.
In other times I caused my own detriment because I thought that I knew
better than you; and when correction came I did not welcome it at first, but I
have learned that you only correct those you love and who will adhere to your
Word; which only blessed me the more. My
greatest enemy is not from any outside sources but from within; and yet you
still care for my every need.
When Pastor touched my hands with
oil, I knew that it was significant and I that I had received clearance to do
your will with boldness and confidence; and I have been blessed abundantly with
destiny.
You have been with me as long as I
can look back over my life and I know surely that I can trust you for my
future. I look forward to the life that
comes after this one. I was blessed when
I came into this world and I will be blessed in the next one to follow –
because you have and will always be with me.
